Parental Ideals

Dear Baby,

I was thinking about what would be best to do when you're older and you come to me for advice (as every child does). I don't like what almost all parent do, which is simply tell their child what they would do in the same situation, or they tell them what they want them to do. You're not me, so what I would do may not be the best choice for you. I decided that when you come to me for advice or guidance, I'd like to give you as many reactions to choose from as I can think of. Then, because you may want to know, I'd tell you what I would do if I were in your place.

For example, it's inevitable that you'll run into ignorant people who will react negatively to the fact that you have a Nana and a Nanny on Mommy's side and an Auntie with a girlfriend on Daddy's side. There's probably a good chance that one of your classmates will tease you about it; and when you come to me for help, I plan to let you know that there are many reactions you can choose from to handle it.

I like this idea best, because it'll benefit you immensely in life. Not only will it teach you that you always have a choice in how you conduct yourself, but it also teaches you to think out your options when tackling an issue in life instead of just blindly reacting (which will help build your problem solving skills). It'll help build your confidence to know that despite what challege you're facing you handled it in your own way. It'll teach you that for every decision you make, there is a consequence: Make a good decision and things will work well, but make a not-so-good decision and you may regret it. Also, I really want to encourage your individuality. I want to teach you that you are the only one who can truly decide what you will, or will not, do in life.

It was about 4am when I was thinking about this. I was outside having a smoke, and suddenly a mother came out of the building, carrying her little boy. I guess the boy had done something to upset her, and I heard her tell her son that he was "bad". That got me thinking about another parenting factor. I want to promise you that I will never tell you you're bad. Every child pushes his or her boundaries, and every child tests his or her parent's patience. It's part of growing up and it's part of your personal development.

I want to remember, and I want to teach you, that just because someone does something that's less than ideal, that doesn't neccessarily make them a bad person. There are bad people in the world, but not everyone that makes a bad decision is a bad person. When I'm upset with you, I really do hope I remember to seperate your actions from who you are as a person. If I ever say you're bad, then I apologize now. If I ever called you bad, I was wrong and I was bad for saying so. You are not a bad person, Baby; and if I ever say you are, you have every right to tell me I'm wrong!

Lastly, I want to remember to let you say "No". So many parents tell their children to never say "no" to them. That is probably one of the biggest mistakes a parent can make! When children grow up always getting in trouble for disagreeing with their parents, they have a hard time saying "no" to anyone when they're older. It can result in a lot of bad things happening to them. You are definitely allowed to tell me "no". In fact, I encourage it. I want you to voice when you're happy with something and when you're not happy with something. Just remember, though, just because you say "no" to me about a decision I've made, doesn't mean you're going to get your way. In the end, I'm the Mommy, so if I say it's time for bed and you say "no", it's still time for bed!